


The Hierophant

by TigerMoonBETA



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Lapidot, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/F, Homeworld (Steven Universe), Homeworld Hierarchy (Steven Universe), Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Morally Grey Characters, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Slight Violence, The Hand Ship, plot heavy, things get spicy in chapter 5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-08-10 00:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7822942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TigerMoonBETA/pseuds/TigerMoonBETA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peridot makes an effort to understand Lapis Lazuli.</p><p>What would have happened if the Crystal Gems hadn't escaped the ship, everyone returned to Homeworld, and Earth was left a ticking-timebomb. And to the Lapis Lazuli caught up in the middle of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Tower

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted to try to challenge myself, and write my take on Homeworld's dynamics. also, this is backtracking on the character development in canon, and i'm going to see if i can implement the same character growth, but in a different situation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Tower's Meaning
> 
> Dark and foreboding, the Tower is the embodiment of disruption and conflict. Not just change, but the abrupt and jarring movement caused by the unforeseen and traumatic events which are part of life. The Tower in your spread is always a threat, but life inevitably involves tragedy, and you must decide whether you will face it with grace.

Clammy, lithe blue hands hugged her arms close to her body, pulling at the skin and piercing crescents into the flesh to sting up tiny pinpricks of pain as though that would distract her from the unadulterated fear that shot down her back. The mass amounts of information pouring onto the screen was far too much for her to take in, though not a challenge at all to the peridot in front of her, clicking her tongue (the grimace-provoking sound doing just that, and features plastered in terror contorted into annoyance every now and then) and gnawing on her lower lip with slight fangs as she rifled through the database in search of something. An expiration date. Of a planet. The planet currently occupied by the trio, bare feet digging into the long dried up soil, drained of its resources when it was used for producing soldiers back in its prime.

The advancement of her Homeworld’s technology was enough to make the cobalt gem quake in the boots she didn’t have, but the proportion of shaking to such a tiny mass greatly exceeded the boots the jasper wore. Perched behind her like some pretentious watch-guard, hovered a white mane and boiling yellow eyes that glared holes into the back of her head. She knew, no, she had been informed many, many times though passing threats and hostile glances that one wrong move, and meaty palms and overgrown claws, crusted with the deaths of at least a thousand gems, would dig into the space in her back which harbored her gem, and would yank it completely out of her physical form. 

 

She knew her place.

 

Maybe, it would have been harder to know had it just been a nasally, obnoxious peridot whose bark was far worse than its bite- maybe when a hesitant, pointed smile was hidden in corridors when it was just them and Lapis didn’t have to worry about the lingering presence of the quartz soldier who was just as displeased with being burdened the title as an ‘escort’ as they were. But the dulciloquy of a technician’s words, reassurance fumbled through when they weren’t being monitored and analyzed wasn’t enough.

Lapis knew her place, and knew there was no point in fighting, in lashing out and shrieking, kicking and spasming in the grasp of a warrior who could scruff her like a feline and jerk her back and forth until she had no more protest to give.

  
Therefore, when the urge to run seized every trembling limb, forced upon her by the frightening green lights and implications of newly acquired information, she had to repress it, quelling the glow of her gem as her wings warned of their materializing, because the aphotic, poorly lit recesses of Earth’s primary Kindergarten control room would conceal no such thing. 

  
Scrubbing the wary look off her face with her hands, Lapis let out a muffled groan, digging the heels of her palms into the hollowed space under her eyes, hunching over slightly. There wasn’t anything wrong, not in the direct sense, but the information they came here to aquire had been collected. Tucked away for safekeeping in Peridot’s audio logs as she droned on about the estimated time of arrival of Homeworld’s newest, twisted experiment; The Cluster. 

  
She didn't care for Earth, not in the slightest could she bring herself to care about the planet she’d laid prisoner on for over five thousand years, abandoned at the galaxy warp, surrounded by the water and stars, a cruel irony of things she used to love. To fly through the ocean and watch as the nebulas dripped through the cracks between her fingers. And her gem. No, she'd had no qualms with lightning the fuse and poking the fire which would ignite the miserable hunk of rock into flames. At least the cruel hand of suffering had spared her one thing; her only friend in the Universe. 

  
Lapis simultaneously envied, awed, and hated the boy’s unwillingness to give up- though it was that same stubbornness that had freed her from the mirror, however, that same determination was a deadly factor. The Crystal Gems were left to the mercy of ignorance, not knowing about the Cluster, for she knew they’d go through so much trouble to find a means of breaking from their cells and fleeing the ship. It had trouble written all over it- Yellow Diamond would be furious to find that the jasper she had trusted was incapable of returning with Rose Quartz, yet foolish enough to jeopardize the mission they were originally assigned to by allowing herself to be driven by the promise of revenge.

Unless of course, some terrible twist of fate kept them secure all the way back to Homeworld.

They would cross that bridge when they got to it, she supposed, and their escort would be faced with choosing the lesser of two evils. Not mentioning the incident at all would be the worst option by far, what with Peridot including every last attribute into those insufferable logs, from the fancy algorithm and code names Homeworld had created for their peridots to sound more dignified, to the minute detail of the direction of the wind. There was no chance the technician would leave out such critical information, nor would all of their supervisors fail to hear about every interaction. 

  
“Are you done yet?” A thick, gravelly voice groused from behind Lapis, and it shot another round of goosebumps up her arms, despite knowing the frustration wasn’t being directed at her.

Yet.    
It seemed Jasper had her head screwed on just enough to know not to mess with Peridot, as that would cause some professional repercussions, however, the informant was fair game. Like a cat who played with their prey before devouring it, Jasper would bat the tiny blue gem around like a ragdoll until she crumpled, trapped in a corner or a cell. She’d gone numb to this, and could almost feel the weight of the hand wrapped around her forearm, seconds away from tugging her.

  
“Affirmative. The required information has been collected from Earth’s prime Kindergarten in Facet 5.”

 

“So can we go?”

 

“Don’t sound so indifferent! Aren’t you excited to be here? I mean, this is one of the finest Kindergartens ever constructed! And besides, you’re from this planetoid, don’t you feel any despair that your origin is going to be blown to bits?” Peridot huffed, the nasal, high pitch of her voice sending shockwaves through the petite gem’s head.

The technician dismissed her holo-screen, and folded her arms across her chest- as effectively as she could- rolling her eyes at the brute as they began the small walk to the platform which would carry them back to the surface.

  
“No. This planet is a pathetic hunk of rock,” Jasper sneered, encasing Lapis’ forearm in an unforgiving hold. With a small jerk, the informant gave a yelp which went ignored for the most part, save for an amused chuckle and a displeased frown, from the soldier and kindergartener respectively.

  
“That’s insensitive,” Peridot chastised, a disgusted grimace plastered blatantly across her features. The thunk of her limb enhancers rang hollow as they stepped onto the platform, the edges glowing as all three gems came to still. The only gem whose knees buckled and jostled as the floor came to a stuttering start was Lapis, the other two throwing a slightly pitiful glance before resuming their conversation. 

  
“Insensitive?” Jasper chuckled, the muscles stirring under the fabric of her uniform as she let go of Lapis’ arm with a pointed shove. “That’s funny, coming from the gem who can’t read the tone of anybody’s words.”

  
Peridot scoffed. “I’m not  _ meant  _ to interpret that- I wasn’t made to. The only external output I should receive is clear, concise facts, not disguised by some confusing expressions.  _ Anyway.  _ It’s such a shame this project is being abandoned and blown to bits, it could have been great. _ ” _

  
Light poured in from the exterior then, bathing the crown of the tiny gem’s head in rays of luminosity, breaching the curve of her nose and causing the azuline skin to glow. She tipped her head back, squinting as they left the frigid dark of the Kindergarten, and raised into a more hospitable setting. There was nothing more that Lapis would have liked than to spread her wings and soar away from her captors into the pending night sky- but from that point, there would be nowhere to turn. That, and the bellicose stare radiating from Jasper and putting holes in the back of her head was more than enough convincing to keep the informant in her place. 

But her longing gaze to the dusk was not venial by any means, and with a loud grunt, Jasper reached over before Lapis could react, hoisting her up by the scruff of her neck.

 

“Don’t get any ideas.”

  
Flinching, Lapis bit down on the inside of her cheek, eyes wide. She wished- she wished that Peridot would tell her escort to quit it. To let her be and to put her down. But the blue gem said nothing, in fear of angering the near-beast who she was held captive.

  
“Don’t  _ break her,”  _ Peridot deadpanned, not even bothering to lift her eyes as she reread the mission statement on her screen. 

  
“What? So you want to risk her flying away?” Jasper spat, giving the trembling gem a callous shake.

  
“I didn’t say ‘ _ let her fly away’.  _ I said ‘ _ don’t break her’.  _ If she does, it’s not imperative to me as the mission has been completed, and I no longer need an informant. Besides,” Peridot paused, letting the mechanical hiss of the platform as it came to a stop ring out, before continuing her speech. “Homeworld left her stranded on this planet during the war. They wouldn’t miss her.”

  
A glint of amusement passed through the amber of Jasper’s eye, and she cocked her head down with a sharp-tooth smirk. “Maybe they wouldn’t. But it’s not every day a jasper gets her hands on a nice cut noble like this.”

  
A rush of embarrassment stained Lapis’ cheeks a dark blue, coloring the most prominent parts of her face from the tips of her ears down to the slope of her neck. It was no secret that quartz were a  _ horny  _ caste, frankly, it was infamous throughout Homeworld and all its outlying colonies. There were hushed murmurs of what they’d do in the barracks between battles, and Lapis wanted no places in their filthy antics. 

  
“Is there anything you quartz  _ won’t  _ try to bend over a table?” Peridot wrinkled her nose, speaking in distaste. It was apparent that, even though they had been traveling together and Peridot had come into contact with many quartz soldiers over the course of her career, she wasn’t accustomed to their blunt, lewdness. That, or it still offended her.

  
Snickering, Jasper dropped the blue gem, who immediately scrambled over to, and hid herself in Peridot’s shadow. This, the technician did not appreciate, but did tolerate as she too knew how overbearing the soldier could be. Though for the time being, Lapis couldn’t focus on displaying her gratitude, but instead had to calm the racing panic in her head. Every time she came into contact with Jasper, a flood of awful, terrorizing thoughts pricked at the overactive parts of her mind. The whirring in her ears was satisfactory in pushing those thoughts away, and she inhaled for the count of five, held for three, then exhaled.

  
“Maybe not those agates,” she jeered, and instantly, a spark of jealousy lit in Lapis’ stomach, and she envied the agates most in the universe. “Why? You hogging all the lazuli to yourself?”

 

“This conversation is over.”

 

* * *

  
Desolate and devoid of life, the Kindergarten was no place to spend an extended amount of time in, especially not with the promise of the fusion experiments which were set to writhe free from the deadened soil.

  
Fusion.

Lapis shivered.

  
  
Echoing throughout the winding cliffs, the metallic thud of Peridot’s limb enhancers drowned out any sound the impact of the Quartz’ footsteps could have offered, and as the noises bounced throughout the ancient ruins, Lapis found herself still cowering in the tech’s shadow.

Peridot was too oblivious to say anything about it, she had reasoned, because what were the chances that she was being kind and permitting it? Jasper though, disgruntled by the setup, shot dirty glances in their direction every passing minute.  

  
As they approached the clearing which would lead them out of the wasteland, Jasper finally settled, coming to the conclusion that it wasn’t worth making a scene over that Lapis preferred hovering behind the technician than treading on glass in the footsteps of herself. Her massive head turned away one last time, the mass of her hair swaying and just barely managing to avoid collecting grime from the ground. 

They hung in silence. No longer did footsteps rebound from the eerie walls, nor did the whistling of passing wind ring through the canyon, and Lapis yearned for a petrichor to spread across the dismal terrain. It was left behind, and the water gem swallowed thickly, tilting her chin up for the first time in what seemed millennia, faced with an over-styled tetrahedron of pale yellow. 

 

Sucking in a slow, deliberate albeit useless breath, Lapis lifted her hand and watched it quiver.

Then she watched in partial horror as it moved forward without consent, and before she realized what she was doing, her fingers twisted gently into the fabric of Peridot’s uniform. 

  
Timid, subdued, her grip was cautious, finding comfort in tangling her fingers into the material, and Peridot stiffened. She twitched, her neck snapping forward, though was courteous enough and kept her movements miniscule as to not alert Jasper of what was happening.   
Lapis’ pupils dilated and her breath hitched as she was slammed into a metaphorical brick wall of all the possible repercussions of what she had just done.

 

But Peridot allowed it.

 

There was no negative reaction that sent Lapis reeling, for the tech only fumbled in her stride, just a lingering moment before she righted herself and continued her pace, now with Lapis in tow. If she clenched her jaw or grit her teeth or rolled her eyes behind her visor, it went unseen, though the dwindling worry that the encounter would make its way into Peridot’s reports still hung in Lapis’ impression.

 

“Thank you,” she breathed, a muffled string of words that pushed like a breeze and rolled up Peridot’s neck. It was quiet- almost too much; it could have been mistaken for a sound carried by the wind, the crunch of the hard Earth below, or the rustling of the leaves.

  
What confirmed Peridot had heard though, was a lean back into the skittish touch, craning her head over her neck enough to offer a fleeting glance. Though when they locked eyes, it was over, and Lapis retracted her now, sweaty hand, shoving it down and fisting it into the fabric of her skirt in place of the green uniform.

  
That cutting stare brought an onslaught of unforgiving memories, of how the optics hidden behind the visor had bore into her own and was determined to wring every last drop of information out. No detail left unspoken, no ends left untied, Lapis’ stomach lurched as the words of her interrogator replayed themselves. She’d been forced to spew up everything she knew, just as though she'd never been released from the mirror in the first place- the hard reality hitting her that she was just a tool to be used in everybody else's eyes.

* * *

  
With the simple command, the ship came humming and buzzing to life, casting a green glow across the distraught coastline, churning up waves as the engine, too, came sputtering to a start. 

 

They strode up the ramp, halting at the knuckle as a sphere formed around them, pulling them into the hallway inside. 

 

Passing by the cells proved, as they were still occupied, that all the Crystal Gems remained on board, and although she pitied them slightly for the consequences they might face upon reaching the home they had betrayed, Lapis was thankful. Jasper couldn't direct the rage which would have been caused by the escapes, at her, which decreased her stress considerably. 

 

“Set a course for Homeworld,” Jasper rasped once they reached the door to the bridge. “And lock her up.”

  
Lapis paled. 

  
“What? Why?” Peridot, for the second time that day, shielded the petrified blue gem with her body. 

  
“It’ll keep her out of the way. And she  _ lied  _ to you Peridot,” Jasper's voice dripped with poison. “Don't you remember? I outrank you anyway. Just do it.”

  
“I hardly find that necessary. And, while you do outrank me, I am the leader of this mission. Not you, therefore, Lazuli is free to wander, under my order.”

  
Even if the truth to Peridot's words held steady, Jasper did not care for validity as she lurched forward, and attempted to snag Lapis from off the ground. 

The tech was quick though, forcing open the door to the bridge as she yanked Lapis with her and out of the brute’s reach temporarily. 

Fumbling only ever-so-slightly, she slammed two digits onto the autopilot, the rest frantically working to form her screen as Jasper lumbered through the doorway and into the area. 

 

But Peridot's panicked thinking had served to be enough, and the computerized beeps confirmed the call was going through, then being accepted as a displeased gem flickered into view. 

  
“Peridot? You know I don't appreciate unsolicited calls.”

  
“Yes, Agate. But I require you to make an executive decision that is unprovoked and unplanned for.”

  
Jasper sneered- fuming, she couldn't slip away for the majority of her form was already being broadcast, whereas Lapis remained tucked behind her savior. 

She couldn't believe it. Peridot had the nerve to tattle to their supervisor. 

  
“What is it? I don't have all day.”

 

“As you read in my report,” Peridot began, trying her earnest to remain composed “You saw that my informa-”

  
“This shouldn't be an opinion of this level of authority,” Jasper cut in, steam near rising from her head as she stepped more into view. “The Lapis Lazuli provided to supply information for this mission neglected to include the fact that, a so-called human who resided with the remaining rebels, is actually the reincarnation of Rose Quartz. I see this perfectly reasonable information to stick her in a cell, but Peridot deemed that unnecessary.”

  
“It had no relevance to the mission. This Lapis had been imprisoned in a mirror for a majority of the war and suspected as a rebel herself. There's no possible way we could guarantee she even knew who Rose Quartz was, or if the Steven had told her that he was anything but human.  _ You  _ thought he was a human just from appearances, didn't you Jasper?”

 

“That's not the point! The point is sh-”

 

“I did not permit this phone call for you two to merely bicker and waste my time. Get to it,” Agate hissed. 

  
“We lock the Lazuli up,” the soldier spat before Peridot could get another obnoxious, nasally argument in. “She admitted that she knew he wasn't human when she told us it wasn't relevant to the mission. Peridot, you couldn't get the truth from her either, so you should both get locked up for failing your assigned task-”

  
“The task you were willing to let go completely ignored!” Peridot shouted, her high-pitched voice cutting the argument into silence as she bit the inside of her cheek harshly. She knew exposing Jasper would get her in mass amounts of trouble but the words had already slipped. The Quartz glared down, as if daring her to continue. 

 

“.... Come again?” Agate bemused, though her tone hinted that she wasn’t entirely lost. 

 

“Upon capturing what remained of the rebellion, Jasper attempted to neglect our assigned mission entirely as she directed me to return immediately to Homeworld. She told me to go against orders and disregard the monitoring of the Cluster’s progression. She claimed-”

 

“ _ Don't-”  _ Jasper grumbled.

  
“She claimed it wasn't important and was wholeheartedly willing to sabotage the mission. But I couldn't allow this of course! There was no chance that I would fail to finalize the reports on the Cluster’s progressio-”

 

“Hold on.” Their supervisor cut Peridot off, her brows furrowed and her lips drawn into a thin, unamused line. This was certainly news; it had likely been included in the technician’s daily record but the superior hadn’t gotten around to analyze each, but rather scanned for keywords. “You mean to tell me, Jasper,” she cleared her throat, pausing her scolding until said quartz lifted her stare from the ground. “That you wished to return immediately to Homeworld, without the required information that you three were sent to obtain?”

  
“With all due respect, I believed the discovery of the rebellion’s leader was far more critical.”

  
“Far more critical to  _ you.  _ It was a personal, selfish cause, and you knew you were more than capable of overpowering them. Which is why you captured them- a quartz of your stature should have no problem imprisoning and keeping an eye on a few, burnt out traitors. This was a  _ direct  _ order from Yellow Diamond- she  _ will  _ be hearing about this and you  _ will  _ face repercussions. Is that clear?”

  
“But-” Jasper stopped herself short, squared her shoulders, and took a deep breath. “Yes, I only meant to act in the best interest of the all Diamonds.”

 

“Good. Peridot, thank you for bringing this to my attention,” praised Agate, and though the vexation on her face was clear, she knew it was more effective to deal with the situation before it spiraled beyond her control. “The Lazuli should not be contained, and your higher-ups will be very pleased to hear of the dedication you held for this mission. I’m sure a promotion will be considered.”

  
And Peridot beamed. Her eyebrows shot up, lips parted slightly as she processed the words in partial awe- the phone call had only been to avoid any unreasonable consequences with Jasper on board; she could have never foresaw it ending so well in her favor.   
“Only the best for My Diamond!” she chirped, hardly containing her excitement.

  
“You are dismissed. I await your return.”

 

“Peridot, out.”

 

With a dismal hum, the projection of their superior fizzled out of existence, leaving only the faint drone of the engine as the ship worked to pilot them back to the planet that ruled all the outlying colonies.

But the broad grin dropped from Peridot’s normally stiff and belittling face as an unsettlingly loud exhale met her ears.

 

“Fucking Agates.”

  
Jasper took two hulking steps, the muscles stirring and tightening in the thick of her shoulders, and she loomed over them, easily casting a shadow over both. Though the room was lambent with a piercing green, it seemed to darken in the path of the quartz’ fury, and then it seemed the technician was no longer off limits.

There was no exaggerating when it came to Peridot’s enthusiastic description of Jasper’s exit hole. Perfect silhouette, flawless distance, glass all the way to the back, and  _ tall,  _ Jasper was the ultimatum of what a quartz soldier was expected to be, and then some. Just the width of her thigh easily outdid that of Peridot’s entire body, and when that force was suddenly directed at her, the technician drained of all her color, leaving her a sickly green. And she began to regret the privilege of having such a qualified escort. 

  
It took only the swing of an arm, the back of Jasper’s hand connecting with Peridot’s head and it sent her sliding across the floor. The terrifying smack rang throughout the bridge, overpowering the yelp which was cut short as the green gem landed with a loud thunk and the clattering of her limb enhancers made it all the more unnerving. Not enough to compromise her form, not enough to critically injure, let alone seriously damage her, but just enough to send her reeling. From the way Jasper’s features twitched, Lapis could judge the amount of restraint she had put on herself, especially since Peridots weren’t exactly known for their strength or physical resilience.

 

For a few moments they all hung still, then two metal digits lifted themselves, readjusting the visor that had been displaced in the chaos. 

 

“Did that  _ help? _ ” Peridot deadpanned, the edges of her voice cold. 

  
Golden eyes pinned to the tech as she pressed herself up off the tile, and ran her ‘hands’ over her uniform to straighten out any wrinkles. 

 

“No.”

  
“Of course not.”

  
Peridot returned the glare with cautious abandon, narrowing until she turned to Lapis who had been trying her hardest to make herself invisible, limbs pulled in and mouth shut tightly. No, she had no desire to be on the receiving end of Jasper’s rage. 

But even while being watched like prey, Peridot seemed smooth in her stride as she strode over to the blue gem. They were both well aware the brute was nowhere near done with her outburst, if experience wasn't a clue, then the mass amounts of tension hanging over them was. Though the tech was fed up with sticking her neck out, she continued to do it anyway, pulling her informant by the wrist and though the winding hallways, quickened steps before Jasper came charging at them again. 

The harsh light did nothing to conceal the gradually forming bruise on Peridot's cheek, a reserved teal that pretended to be green under her visor. 

  
They reached a room Lapis had never been, perhaps passed by in wandering as the trip to Earth had been almost exclusively that, save for interrogations and sideways glances. Entering the configurations, the panel beside the doorway glowed, hummed, and the entrance opened with a struggling sound indicating the room was not often occupied. 

  
“These are my quarters,” Peridot elaborated, her tone still laced with a frustrated bitterness. The door shut behind them after moving inward, and Lapis only startled a little. 

  
But she spoke nothing. 

  
“Just do me a favor and keep your hands off of things that look too advanced for you or important.”

  
Still no response. 

The tech shuffled awkwardly, unsure of what to do or how to present herself, before finally turning away. 

  
“You know I have to include what you did in the Kindergarten in my reports, correct?”

  
“Please don't.”

That elicited a reaction. 

  
“But-”

  
“Nobody has to know, who's to say I even did anything? Jasper didn't see,” Lapis pleaded. 

  
“You Lazulis really are stubborn.”

  
They tripped, stumbled, and fell face first into a tense silence again, which hung stubbornly between them, Lapis too cautious and humbled by the truth to reply, and Peridot too dazed, her head still spinning from the bitter smack that had brought reality crashing down on her. 

  
Blue eyes flittered nervously about the room, unsure of where to land and not trustworthy enough to rest in one place. Who was she to believe that a simple drone would exclude her foolish actions from the report, but those worries were chased from her mind as Lapis’ eyes locked and settled on the gradually blooming swell on Peridot's face. 

 

“.... Your cheek,” she breathed, reaching a hand out to touch, but then pulling it close to her body and clasping them together. 

 

The technician let out a grunt, prodding it lightly, and grimacing as a slight scratch made itself noticeable in the middle of it all.  
“I’ll live.”

  
“You- got that because of me.” 

Scolding herself, Lapis let her arms fall slack at her sides, before her expression pulled into a matching frown. She reached out, not pulling away, letting her thumb brush against the injury with utmost care and making it almost impossible to feel. 

And Peridot nearly jerked out of reach, the downy hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. But she didn't. 

  
“I’ll _live_ ,” she groused again, finding only the minimal amounts of patience wearing away. 

  
“You didn't have to do that. She bats me around all the time. It's not your job to stand up for some worthless lapis lazuli.” 

  
“So would you rather I let her send you flying across the room next time,” Peridot seethed- Lapis wasn't even appreciating what she had done. 

  
“I didn't say that. Just. Try not to let it get that far I guess. It means a lot to me, but I'd rather be locked up if it meant no one was getting hurt.” 

  
“You can drop the martyr act.”  
The kindergartener clicked her tongue, finally gaining the sense to jerk herself away from Lapis’ touch. She wasn't really sure what they had, she knew there was something but no name came to mind or if it was worth protecting, but some nitty-gritty turmoil deep inside her persuaded her to exclude the puzzling encounters. 

  
“It’s… not an act.” Lapis’ expression darkened, her eyebrows furrowing and her lips pulling into a morose scowl, and Peridot may have read it as offended, however, Peridot’s weren’t made to calculate emotions such as offense. “Jasper  _ terrifies me.  _ She’s a  _ brute _ ! She’s  _ awful! _ ”

  
“Jasper isn’t that bad,” Peridot muttered.

  
If it hadn’t been already, the room blackened, casting a hostile film over the field of Peridot’s visor, and while the blue gem stared up at her, challenging her to defend that statement, it would have been just the same as if she were staring down.

  
“ _ What?”  _  Lapis’ voice rang hollow, and she placed herself a foot closer, her icy glare poking, prodding,  _ daring  _ the technician to continue, prickling up goosebumps that washed over her body in a crashing wave, though the ship was no colder than it had been moments before. “Are you  _ kidding me?  _ Jasper just sent you flying across the room because you did your job, and now she’s  _ not that bad? Are you cracked?!”  _

  
Recoiling from the sudden outburst, and the voice somehow matching her own in shrillness, Peridot faltered, an unneeded breath hitching in her throat as she pulled herself inward, away from the tiny gem’s fury.

“She-” the pathetic start of an argument fell from her mouth as a squeak, and Peridot coughed up what she could of her hesitance to defy what Lapis was so passionately bad-mouthing.   
“I don’t know about you, but we’re indebted to our Diamonds. I find it perfectly reasonable that Jasper is a bit frustrated that she’s facing repercussions for trying to avenge her deceased leader. Quartz’ are an easily angered gem anyway- therefore I do not hold it against her.”

  
The humble beginnings of a rebuttal died on the tip of Lapis’ tongue- Peridot knew, as the spark of it flickered behind her blue, stormy optics, and the sharp sting of her unspoken words filled up the room like static before an impending lightning strike. Preparing for the worst, the muscles in her shoulders stiffened and she puffed up her chest for the onslaught, but none came.   
Instead, a boke-shaking, shout and weighted footsteps shook the frame of the door, all the unanchored furniture, the corridor, and the petite blue gem.

It was funny- if Peridot’s had anything but a warped sense of humor- how fast the rage vanished from Lapis, leaving only wide eyes and trembling limbs in its wake. 

  
Panicked breathing and quaking, Lapis whipped her head around to face the door, and although it wasn’t likely Jasper knew the access code to Peridot’s quarters, there was no doubt in her mind that the soldier could rip the door right out of the wall if she so desired. Her eyes flittered back to Peridot, only for the splittest of seconds and that was all it took for the tech to soften herself.

  
“She’s just searching for me, and letting off some of her built up vexation. You’ll be alright.”  
  
But, the thought of the brute was too close for comfort, and the water gem had already pulled back into her shell- no trace of the stand-offish, powerful, vindictive lazuli, for it had crumbled and gave into the breeze, just as the strange stirring, fluttering inside Peridot’s chest.

“Not if she finds me before she finds you.”

 

They told Peridot before she began the mission.

They said “ _ lapis lazulis are far more emotional, complex, and confusing than most gems are. She will likely be beyond your comprehension, so don’t denote yourself for this. Just accept that you won’t understand her.”  _

 

  
And so, Peridot let the sound of a sigh fall gently, and she tipped her head to the side in order to redirect the blue gem’s attention. 

“Well I suppose we’re playing hide and seek then?” Peridot hummed, and a charge of relief graced her as Lapis’ emotion flickered, into what was probably confusion, though that was far better than terror in any and every universe.

Her metal digits went to the informants waist, and to her wrist, guiding her away from the door and up onto the cot provided- Peridot never slept. But with all the tiredness etched into the hollows of Lapis’ eyes, she figured it would be worth a shot for the other gem.

And she wished her superiors had been wrong- she wished with all her being that she could understand.

 

“At least we don’t have to play alone.”

 


	2. The Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fool's Meaning
> 
> The Fool is a very powerful card in the Tarot deck, usually representing a new beginning and, consequently, an end to something in your old life. The Fool's position in your spread reveals which aspects of your life may be subject to change. The Fool portends important decisions ahead which may not be easy to make, and involve an element of risk for you.

The lurching of the ship from autopilot to manual roused her. It jolted the room, not drastically, but enough to make the frame of the bed jostle, disturb small items and to stir the air around her head.  
Though for once, it was a peaceful awakening, a glittering halo of stars peaking their way through the room and crowning the bridge of her nose, splattering against her eyelids and golden freckles. A shame no one was there to see it, and while Lapis thinks neither of them are much for sight-seeing, something about pyrite constellations on hollowed azure cheeks would be enough to make any gem pause in their ministrations.

A thick, inviting film flooding through her body, one of grogginess and of the closest thing to a warm bed she’d ever had, kept the blue gem there for a few, lingering moments. There was no sense in getting up- not yet at least. If the two other occupants on board had wanted her around, there was no doubt they would have had their way then.  
They always got their way.

Hoisting herself up with great effort, Lapis blinked, drowsy and searching for the gem that offered even the slightest bit of comfort in the cold metal walls, she quickly found her search fruitless. That would have explained the ship lurching at least; so Peridot was piloting now?  
It took no more than a sliver of knowledge and plenty of experience to know the reasoning, or in her own humble opinion, Lapis worried her lower lip between her teeth, wondering if autopilot was the only thing keeping Jasper from crushing in Peridot’s skull.

Nimble, blue fingers danced along the walls, achingly icy, patterned in their crystal cut, she traced the varying shades while her inner monologue debated on where to go next.  
Snooping wasn’t the most humbling of things to do, but the blue gem decided that these quarters and the nasally technician would be the only fond memories from this stretch in her life, so the slight personal gain of having something to look back on was enough.

With a quick glance all around, assuring that no one was spying or somehow in position to place judgement, Lapis let her eyes fall shut, her fingers grazing the wall fell away, fingertips pressed only to the air, and when she re-opened her eyes, they had gone glossy. Reflective, no pupils, she drifted across the room on the balls of her feet, light, dainty, taking the utmost care not to disturb anything in its place. There she took in every little detail, absorbed it in her catatonic state, trying not to let the guilt creep up her back as she played pretend- the little promise she’d cried out to herself in the mirror; to never use that power. For it was the result of thousands of years, locked away with freedom in sight but out of reach, and the ability only sickened her.  
But as a steady gaze tilted up to peek out the small window provided, the ship jostled again, and Lapis was pulled from the mirror’s trance.  
What a power, that fell from the more sensible parameters of a terraformer. The ability to play back images with only what she’d seen. What she remembered- what she couldn’t forget.

Immediately a rush of shame and hesitance pooled in her cheeks- she had been snooping through Peridot’s things. She had recorded the comforting feelings, and tucked them away for safekeeping, and times when she thought she could no longer feel them again.  
It was okay.  
No soul in the universe would know except her, though if suspicious eyes bore into her own, and asked her to show, she’d fall victim to her own selfish actions. That seemed fair. And as the riptide queen stood, perplexed and bathing in the light of the cosmos, tinted through the green film of the window, she clasped her hands together and prayed no suspicious eyes would bore.

Now to stay or go.  
There was no telling the state of Peridot’s safety, nor Jasper’s position on the ship, therefore no guarantee her security upon leaving Peridot’s room. But without the technician, the walls were chilling, as much as the silence, her quarters faded of the comfort and kindness once offered. Empty, barren, alone, Lapis dreaded the thought of spending much more time without the company of another.  
Pathetic, truthfully, the mirror had warped her, torturous and hollow, thousands of years begging and praying that the cracks in her gem would surmount enough to tear her from existence, and there was never a day that it came. Millennia, abandoned, in solitary confinement with no pleasant allusions, because those that came with the beauty of Earth were laced with flashbacks of war. And those of her Diamond came poisoned with the fact that she had been left to rot by a leader that once claimed to love her.

Completely and utterly without a friend in the universe.

But with the possibility of a single gem who wouldn’t turn up her nose at a lazuli who was beaten, battered, and absolutely wrecked from inside out, Lapis knew she couldn’t let Peridot slip through her fingers.

Jolting back to life, her form whirled around, scrambling to the doorway, and swearing under the hush of her breath, she fumbled with the controls on the panel- yet another aspect of her life that had been swept away with the current; how the hell was she suppose to operate modern technology?  
The neon lime gleamed as her mind wracked to present information it didn’t have, teeth gnawing down on the inside of her cheek as the lazuli fought against the hitch in her throat and hot water pricked at her eyes. Yes, it was certainly boiling.  
Crying out of frustration would solve nothing and yet there was her physical state out of calibration with her head, hiccuping and grunting despite knowing it was a simple task for others, her unknowing was a result of something she didn’t like to let herself linger on.

The saline stung for only a second, and shaking her head borderline aggressively, Lapis steadied herself, finally allowing logic to override the paranoid part of her that whispered you’ll be stuck here forever and the door slid open with a mechanical hiss.

She thought she’d be okay. That it had been long enough. That her wasted past wouldn’t go catching up with her. But it was dry and bitter on her tongue- the rocking sickness that stuck around in her gut. How the mirror seemed to still imprison her even after she’d managed to escape its grasp. Still lurking, still haunting, making even the most simple tasks a journey- Lapis’ expression wrinkled as she let a shudder overtake her, stumbling down the halls half blind and reeling.  
Her clouded, panicked thought from before was worming its way back into her mind, as well as shaken to the core from the lacuna of over 5,000 years once again reminding her who was in control.

Not her.

That accompanied by the repeating image of a thick, calloused hand wrapping around an era 2 technician’s head and squeezing until viridescent dust littered the ground in a glittering, lifeless heap.  
Her now clammy hand braced against the wall, Lapis barely managed to stabilize the weight of herself on the slippery tile. The room spinning, cold chills running up her spine, the blue gem inhaled, sharp though pathetic, and waited for the waves to pass.

Or suck her under.

Either was preferable really, as long as no oversized quartz happened upon her in the middle of the gut-wrenching sickness- even after it faded or water filled her and she sunk like the more literal than metaphorical rock that she was.

But there would be no drowning today.  
The swells of it all ebbed away, seafoam paranoia and daydream shores receding from high tide, to low tide, to out at sea completely. It was an empty, fretfully lonely sea, and Lapis knew that the sanctuary of tranquility was only temporary, because experience told that water withdrawing from the coast only meant it would come crashing back- bigger. Catastrophic calamity. Tsunami. Not now- sometime later. She’d deal with it then.  
If only she could control the metaphorical waters of her own mind.

For now, however, the terraformer gracefully returned to reality- if grace counted as stumbling and getting lost in the tidepools of her eyes.

* * *

“Well what was I supposed to say?!” A piercing voice, heard long before the entrance to the bridge, borderline shrieked. Though no screams could be heard in the vacuum of space, and it may have seemed pointless, the technician’s bitching did serve to put a twitch in Jasper’s eye.

Cautious blue digits wrapped around the doorframe, letting only that part of herself show as the quartz replied- “Not fucking that! Did you think it was funny to throw me under the bus!?”

“Oh what?! So you wanted me to sacrifice myself for your sorry ass? Oh please- you were her favorite! There’s no way you’ll get anything more than some scolding! They would have shattered me for your incompetence!”

“Do not bring her into this. You are playing the wrong game Peridot.”

The beginnings of a rebuttal formed on the green gem’s tongue, her arms thrown up in frustration, the vexation on her upper lip melted away as her eyes fell upon the fingers prying around the door. And at the sudden silence, Lapis allowed her own curious eyes to ghost over the frame, and she found she’d been caught.

Jasper’s gaze followed Peridot’s line of sight, and her scowl flickered between something of distress and confusion, before it returned to its ground state of something uncomfortable.

“Well at least I’m not playing it alone.”  
The familiar words echoed in Lapis’ mind, something catching in her throat, she pulled herself into sufficient view of the two in company, hesitating. Waiting. She knew a open wound had just been poked, moreso with the soldier, any mention of her- her original leader- was a tender topic and for good reason. The lazuli had no urge to start anything, but there was no telling of whether or not she should remain or scurry away.

“Lazuli…”  
The name stuck airily to the back of Peridot’s teeth, and fragile as a bird, Lapis returned the sentiment with her hollow bones as she uttered the word “Peridot…” Though still under heavy gaze, she dared not move, except to flinch as Jasper so much as turned in her direction. The simplest gesture left the informant stricken with mistrust and fear.  
Peridot immediately shifted into alert, standing up and knocking her chair askew.  
“Don’t-”

“No worries. I wasn’t going to,” Jasper spat, still somehow through clenched teeth. The muscles in her neck, strung, then declined to calm again as the frustration and almost offense died behind her eyes. “I don’t need to be in any more trouble than I already am.”

A statement so insensitive, but not unlike her. Being 'the kindergarten quartz that could', everybody knew of her callous nature. Because then, when her reckless choices had already been called into question, and only then would manhandling of ‘valuable information’ be punished.

“Well what about her? How do you think she feels?” Peridot paused, aligned her chair within its place with her hip, then crossed the room, only to hesitate and engage autopilot. She made her way over to where Lapis’ presence lingered, and edged her gently into the room.

“How she feels? Who cares? She’s an informant. A Lazuli. They’re tools. Always so hot headed. Why does it matter?

A grave annoyance flickered on Lapis’ face, but she held her tongue, not having the audacity to defend herself. Not yet. Not for a quartz.

“Well she’s not exactly a low class cut, however that doesn’t mean her loyalty won’t be called into question considering her circumstance- had things gone your way, that’d be even more incentive. I wasn’t insuring just my own safety.”

“Oh. So that’s what this is? Getting on her good side for political favors?” Jasper raised her hand, quoting those political favors with two fingers, a ghost of a smirk across her features. “And you called me the horny one.”

Pouring a flush of green, sputtering and stuttering, the kindergartener began to force out a half-assed reply of “that’s not-”

“Why do you want to associate yourself with her? She’s an unstable, volatile shell of a gem. A traitor.”  
Spoken with disgust, as though it was a curse, Jasper let the weight of her words build and sink into the room.

And Lapis felt it sink into her skin, seep into her head and her heart, unnerving.

  
“I am not a traitor.”

  
Chilling, sharp, furious- taken aback by the force of her voice, both Jasper and Peridot froze.

“How DARE you call me that.”  
She quickly abandoned the safety of Peridot’s side, striding across the bridge, her stature nothing shy of intimidating despite falling many feet short of the quartz. Piercing; the water gem glared up at the soldier, daring her to say more.

To which at first, Jasper had no reply. Under the faze, she faltered. But the patronizing stare became trivial, and her trepidation melted into amusement.  
“Oh?” she chuckled, tone speaking as if to an earth child which only served to agitate Lapis further. “And you plan to defend yourself how?”

Golden eyes, almost laughing, glanced beyond to Peridot who still held a wary posture. As if it was unwise to take Lapis as something shy of a joke. “You’re kidding, right Peridot? She couldn’t possibl-”

A glimmer of light, usually so delicate and ethereal, now violent and swift as two aqueous wings formed, a blue hand against a striped face, nails digging into the facets of her gem, Lapis gave a rapid push of air behind her.  
And for what seemed eternity, only silence followed the humbling thud of Jasper’s form as she was thrown against the wall of the ship.

Queen of the riptide, Lapis hovered, revelling in the shock. But the chaos inside her swam and yelled and tugged at her questionable sanity until the room darkened. So close- so close she could see herself in the reflective cut of Jasper’s nose if she dared look, though she was not interested in moving her harsh gaze.

“Couldn’t possibly what?” she seethed.

She felt a shuddering exhale against the heel of her palm, still glaring, then an inhale just as cautious.

“Couldn’t possibly be cracked enough to do anything about it.”

Nor pity, nor power, nor brazen, Lapis lingered on Jasper’s response, something in her glazed pupils swimming in the soldier’s own, maybe searching for a lie. Not impudent enough to push or pull, they all stayed put. To test the balance of control...

“Get off me.”  
Unsure if it was a command, or a question, or some god awful mix of both, Lapis conceded. But not before she glowered a moment longer.  
A selfish notion, not in vain, for Jasper did not push.

She relented. Her hand pulled away, her form tipped back until she came into contact with the ground. Her wings were gone.

“Don't underestimate anyone. You of all gems should know that.”

Despite herself, Jasper found she held little malice for the exchange that had just occurred. Some sort of disbelief- awe? Respect? Her pride would not allow that, but she decided to never confront those feelings, and thus would never truly know.

Slinking off once more, Lapis carried herself past Peridot until her high-strung shoulders fell, and she came teetering down from the rush of adrenaline into another sickening crash. One of 'oh god why did I do that?' Losing herself and being swept up in her impulsiveness was only doing more to prove Jasper was right.  
A revelation as she faltered- was that Jasper’s plan all along?- made the sensation of the eyes burning into her back, disappear.

Still flushed, sputtering and churning like the engine of those shitty Era-1 light kites, Peridot let herself make eye contact with her escort. It only  
lasted a moment, not wanting to be the catalyst for the next outburst and also concerned with the state of her informant, two floating fingers rested a respectable distance below the ridge of Lapis’ gem.

“Are you-”

“Fine.” It sent her reeling into motion again, not eager to do anything more than escape the room, she fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so i haven't written in a while! please comment and let me know what you think. i would really appreciate it.


	3. The Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Moon's Meaning
> 
> Something in your life is not what it seems. Perhaps a misunderstanding on your part, or a truth you cannot admit to yourself. It may also indicate something important being kept from you by another.

Found her curled tightly over herself in one of the unoccupied cells, Peridot let out a sigh of relief and eased her more formal posture. Especially when worry took over, the technician found it more testing to hold herself high when thoughts like  _ why would lapis retreat to a prison cell of all places,  _ and  _ she has to have heard me by now why isn’t she responding,  _ crept into her mind. 

 

“Lazuli,” she spoke, stepping into the cell barrier. “What are you doing? What happened? Are you-”

 

“Fine. I said I was fine.”

 

Muffled through the fabric of her skirt, though still audible, the reply only allowed Peridot to confirm her suspicion of  _ fine  _ meaning  _ anything but. _ At least it was some clue, she settled, one step closer to understanding the ins and outs of the puzzling gem.

“That’s obviously not true.” Peridot stood, bending her knees idly and looking down to the corner Lapis had balled herself into, lingering between the choice of sitting or standing. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Look-”

  
“Go  _ away _ Peridot.” 

  
But she didn’t. Instead, the green gem fumbled, her typical facade of vague annoyance replaced by something pained. Had that hurt? It shouldn’t have. She’d gotten those orders nearly every day.  _ That will be all. You are no longer needed. You are dismissed.  _ So why did this time cause an unpleasant stirring in her chest?

  
“Are you mad at  _ me? _ ” 

  
“I don’t know,” Lapis lifted her chin, saline stained cheeks and all. “Am I?”

The technician stared, and the water gem stared back, trying to make sense and not drown in the conflict behind the visor. Something in her shook, a rattling breath, a sort of bitter notion, knowing that Peridot would crack before she would be the one to speak first.

 

And she did. 

 

“ _ I DON’T KNOW!”  _ Peridot shattered, her arms thrown up in the air, detached fingers pelting against the wall and scattering in all directions. Shielding herself, from metal or words or both, Lapis brought an arm across herself as she received the words she often asked herself.  _  “WHY DOES  _ **_EVERYTHING_ ** _ HAVE TO BE A SECRET WITH YOU?! NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE SOME SORT OF MYSTERIOUS, CONFUSING RIDDLE! LIKE YOU GO AND HIDE YOURSELF AND TALK  _ **_LIKE YOU’RE AFRAID TO EXIST_ ** _ FOR MORE THAN A SECOND IN THE UNIVERSE!  
  
IF YOU’RE MAD AT ME, JUST TELL ME! I CAN’T READ YOUR MIND! I’M A PERIDOT! I’M JUST A-  _ a Peridot... __ ”

_ Just a Peridot _ . The words echoed in the blue gem’s head, her eyes wide and no longer brazen, as if she were witnessing a spectacle. She was- she was witnessing a spectacle as Peridot sniffled, and the tears gathered and spilled from under the protective gear perched on her nose, and down her face. Her bruised cheek. Her failed attempt to bring up her metal limb and wipe away the tracks, and letting out a gross whimper as she was wracked with frustration. 

 

“I’m  _ just a Peridot.”  _

 

For a few moments, Lapis let it alone, let it build then break, and finally she stood. Clammy and cold against the floor, she only had to move a step or two, and only when Peridot wasn’t willing did she try to meet the technician’s gaze.

  
“You think I want to be here?” To keep tears from splattering finitely against the tile, Lapis brought her hand up, forcing, though gently, the crook of Peridot’s jaw into the four fingers, her thumb wiping along the edge of her visor- taking the water droplets in her wake. “I got out of that mirror and I never wanted to go back to that planet. But that’s exactly where you took me. And now you’re taking me back to a Homeworld that doesn’t want me. That thinks I’m a traitor.” 

 

Peridot’s lower lip trembled. “I don’t have a choice. I’m just doing my job.”

 

“I know. But I still resent you for it.” 

 

“How is that fair?”

 

“Maybe it isn’t.”

 

Lapis let her hand fall. 

* * *

  
The transmission came. In the middle of it all, the memory of their confrontation still lingering in the forefront of her mind, the bittersweet feeling of a thumb on her face, the order came to pull her out of the fog. Lapis was gone, slid off past her and left her dumbfounded in the empty cell all to herself. It seemed the hints of sea spray and vindictiveness clung to her uniform, for she could only hear the echos of ‘ _ maybe it isn't’  _ instead of her own name. 

  
“Peridot,” asserted a gravely voice, gesturing her toward the screen. And despite not truly acknowledging her, Peridot followed. “You're going to want to read this.”

  
Words swept past her wary, unfocused stare- once, twice, three times over before Jasper huffed impatiently. 

“It shouldn't take  _ that  _ long to read.”

  
“Oh hush! I can't even hear my own thoughts over your heavy breathing!”

  
“Or is it you can't hear yourself over whatever the Lazuli just told you when you left?”

  
“Drop it.”

  
  


_ The assigned informant, Lapis Lazuli, is to be held for further questioning. Due to recent events, it is plausible to suspect she is hiding more information. Her mind is to be purged. Increase travel speed, and return to Homeworld within the span of 20 planetoid rotations for debriefing. _

 

Sighing, Peridot went slack against the monitor, hanging her head. As much as she wouldn’t admit the lapis lazuli was fascinating, she was also confusing and made everyone’s heads spin. They seemed to be doing that, back and forth, torn between motives and morals. To protect her, to simply do what she was told, both urges were equally demanding. 

  
Jasper cleared her throat. “So are you going to be the one to tell her, or am I?”

  
“No. I highly doubt she wishes to engage with either of us but… I'm still..” With her teeth grit, and eyebrows furrowed, Peridot tried in vain to find the word which would suffice, but not cause any unwarranted teasing. “Flustered.”

  
A throaty chuckle escaped the quartz, and she patted the perturbed gem on the back, oblivious to her lack of restraint despite a grunt in protest of the pain.   
“What? Did she _polish your gem_ or something? _Terraform your_ -” 

  
“ _ Can it _ you clump of dirt. I have  _ no interest _ in being on the receiving end of the Lazuli’s wrath, especially not after what I just witnessed.” 

  
“And why not? I thought you  _ wanted  _ to get pinned to a wall by her.”

Peridot groaned at the impish grin plastered against Jasper’s striped features. Though she’d never allow anyone the satisfaction of even mumbling a variation of  _ ‘it was kinda hot…’,  _ her silence spoke for her enough. 

With a final snicker, Jasper let her hand down upon the sharp edges of Peridot’s hair, successfully flattening it and evoking an outburst of whining and shouting.    
“Increase the ship’s speed and prepare what you need for the interrogation.” 

* * *

  
Hardened footsteps across the hallways had a purpose, despite being aimless. There were only so many places the informant could be, what with the locked doors and finite area of the ship, which also remained inescapable. Only Peridot truly had a full understanding of the craft’s exits, and escape pods. That, combined with Lapis’ outdated nature made this particular stretch of the mission more like a leisurely stroll.  
Out of a logical standpoint, Jasper passed through the corridor which contained their prisoners- the Crystal Gems. Her metaphorical blood boiled at the mere thought, and oh  _ how easy  _ it would be to let down the barrier and obliterate them with her bare hands. 

But that wouldn’t be justified. To go out, while unconscious- too painless. Too merciful. While selfish, the ruddy quartz knew that their fate would remain with the Diamonds. Torture, a public execution? Being held idle in an object, used as a tool-

Whatever it would be, it would have to satisfy, though the thoughts of punishment pulled her from her stewing. The Lapis. That’s what she was after. 

  
Stark blue against a blinding green, she tried to make herself disappear. As if some small part of her sincerely believed that if she could fold over herself enough, she would cease to be. 

So fixated on imploring time and space to bend her from existence, the unsuspecting gem was not torn from her pity by the hulking shadow, nor the rattling steps. It was only when Jasper cleared her throat did Lapis’ head shoot up, violently at that, and slam against the wall she rested against. 

Stars slipped through her vision, and Jasper tilted her head, watching the poor stone try to bolt in her confusion.

 

“Easy there Lazuli,” she deadpanned, one hand against the wall. An offering of peace to lean upon, or a threat to keep her from running? Even she didn’t quite know. 

  
“What do you want? Can’t you just leave me alone?” 

  
“Homeworld’s decided they aren’t done with you. Not yet. They want to know what else you’re hiding.”  
What could she be hiding? After all, Jasper hadn’t stopped to ponder it much but this Lapis was easily as old as her, if not older. Five thousand years? Six? Ten? What had her mirrored eyes been spectator to? Could she have been there?

“I’m not-” Lapis stood, fumbled, and let a low grumble rise from the back of her throat which was only taken lightly. “I told you everything I knew!”

  
“We can do this either way. They’re both easy to me.”

As Jasper made a move toward her, not hostile nor inviting, Lapis cared not of the consequences, she lurched. Gem glow, battered against the wall and fluttering helplessly like a butterfly with broken wings, Lapis let a startled gasp be cut off as Jasper ensnared her wrist.

  
“Listen  _ brat, _ ” she spat, “You’re not hiding anything? Act like it. As much as I’d  _ love  _ to help you, you’re giving me all the reasons to not. If you want to save your sorry ass, then take my advice; be complacent, be willing, and  _ don’t  _ be stuck in the past. You’re out of that mirror. You have a voice now. Use it.”

 

Lapis stilled.

 

“How did you-”

 

“I read the logs of your first interrogation.”

 

_ You have a voice now. Use it. _

Stuck in time, the blue gem remained suspended in the air, and though only a few inches from the ground, it would have been easy to mistake it for the vacuum of space. Yes, she would heed Jasper’s warning, if this was a promise to protect her, it was more than enough.

 

And she noted someone else was taking Jasper’s advice. For distantly, they heard a voice.

 

And it was singing.


	4. The Chariot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Chariot's meaning: this card deals heavily with the emotions. Specifically, the Chariot is a card of emotional control; the power of the mind to shape the desires of the heart and direct them to meaningful expression.

The melodic tune carrying throughout the ship forced them into silence, though not for its beauty. Half steps, the hairs on the back of Jasper’s neck stood- whole notes, the informant was placed gently- uncharacteristically gently- back on the floor. A measure, Jasper spun on her heel, whereas Lapis was poised on the balls of her feet: it was almost pretty enough to dance to. That were, if it weren’t interrupted with the pattering of rushed footsteps, small and soft and with purpose.

Small and… getting louder.

Louder.

Lapis hitched when the curly hair came into view, head swiveling, nearly barreling into the quartz that had him ranked number one on her kill list.  
And it all came crashing down.

“Lapis?!”  
“Steven-!”  
“ **You**.”

Within an instant, the crushing, tiny vacuum of space where the laws of time were warped and bent and broken, but still an instant that managed to exist- that tsunami.   
Pushing past Jasper, for which her fragile frame allowed speed whereas Jasper’s was built for force, Lapis had cleared the floor, wrapped her arms around Steven and created a canopy of water from her wings to separate the two from Jasper.   
Salt spray rushed across the ground as Jasper sneered, glaring through the distorted lense.  
“What are you doing?! Were you not listening- how do you intend to prove your loyalty when you are blatantly protecting the leader of the rebellion?”

“He’s not her.”

“It’s Rose.”

“It’s not!”

“For fucks sake-” Jasper growled, yanking her gem destabilizer out from her belt and pointing it at the duo. “What makes you blues so naive?! Her gem is right there, you saw what she did back on Earth- what is it that you’re missing?!”

Lapis tensed, baring her teeth, swiveling her head and throwing her arms down in a burst of anger. “It’s that you’re missing something! Do you not get it you meathead? Rose is gone. Stop being blinded by your delusions of revenge!”

  
“Why you-!”

The next barrage of argument to be thrown in Lapis’ direction was cut off by yet another set of footsteps passing through the hall, this time heavy and loud and metallic. Just what they needed.  
Peridot burst into the room, half-draped in wires and fumbling to keep herself together it seemed, eyebrows knit in concern and intelligent eyes surveying the scene to take in as much information as possible. Not much detail was needed to come to a solid conclusion, but still a gem whose mouth ran faster than her mind, if that was possible, blurted out  
“What’s going on? I heard yelling…..  
Oh.”

A few definite, empty seconds of processing left the room quiet before she decided to speak again.  
“Who let the prisoner out of their containment unit?!”

“I let myself out.”  
They all paused, trying to present some sort of response, but both Jasper and Peridot found themselves at a loss, while Lapis simply suggested that it was “probably a good idea to keep quiet, okay Steven?”  
With that though, the blue gem let her makeshift barrier fall, the water dissipating, but not her guard.   
Jasper let out a strained sigh.  
“Just hand Rose over so we can put her back and continue with your questioning- and stop lying.”  
  
“You don’t believe me?”

“Why should I? I have no reason to. You’ve proven already you have no qualms with lying.”

“Then I’ll show you.”

Jasper quirked an eyebrow, though still furious Lapis continued to defend the leader of the rebellion, was caught off guard by her comment. Her mouth opened to counter, but was quickly cut off by a stern look and- “you want me to show you what I was hiding the first time, you want me to prove myself? Then shut up.”

Jerking her head, Lapis gestured for Peridot to come closer. She had recognized the technology the green gem was carrying as soon as she had entered the room- it was hard to forget the first round of her interrogation. A hasty set up, her gem calibrated to a small, makeshift screen- Peridot’s doing. It wasn’t ideal, but instead satisfactory. Still, she’d neglected to say a word through the whole exchange, always Peridot, not wanting to upset the balance of things. She simply stood, contented and waiting, the slight click indicated her audio log was recording.

Lapis took a deep breath, and shut her eyes.

And the mirror opened.

_Darkness, darkness, endless black, surrounded by more shadow.  
At first, Jasper began to suspect it was another trick, that the lack of image was only a tactic to waste their time. In the darkness, she saw no answers to any of her questions, no proof that Lapis was willing and loyal._

_But from darkness, a light, a hand. Lithe and pale and- shaky?  
It pulled her into a room, the sounds of running water and the frustration so strong, her power all around her but useless to it, so strong even its distant memory settled in every gem watching._

“What is-?”  
In one moment, Lapis’ had rested at her side, though in the next instant it was rigid in the air, extended to signal and gain silence. It worked. But she was looking past them all.

_A faint sob played through the screen, the frame jolted, then spun. Ginger hair mussed and framing a distraught face, one they all recognized. Her baby blue eyes scanned the mirror rapidly, almost in a panic, dropping tears onto the glass._

_“Rose,” Pearl choked out. “Show me Rose.”_

_The mirror remained silent._

_“Show me Rose!” she tried again, strained and desperate. “I know you’ve seen her. Where is she? Where is Rose?” Pearl huffed, the screen beginning to jerk violently back and forth.  
“I know you’re not broken. Show me her now, or I’ll shatter you right here!”_

_And the mirror played a melodic laugh. Rose’s laugh._

_Pearl’s eyes went wide, paling even more if that were possible, and she dropped the tool. Though not on purpose, and scrambling to catch it in midair, she hardened._

_“That is not funny! Where is she? Where is Rose?”_

_Lapis smirked as she cut and pasted Pearl’s words together in a choppy sentence.  
 **‘Not’ ‘here’.**_

_“Do not test me! Show me her! Show me her now!”_

_So Lapis did.  
Fragments and snippets of the leader she’d seen through a reflective lense. Enough to pacify her Pearl. The bittersweet reminders of only what she’d been allowed to see, and suddenly, Pearl despised herself for every second the mirror hadn’t been on Rose._

_“That’s it?” Pearl sighed, her breath hitched as though anticipating more. “That’s all you have?”_

_Lapis did nothing._

_“Where is she?” Pearl seethed, more tears threatening to spill._

_**“I” “do not” “know”.** _

_“Pearl.” A new voice._

_With a start, the gem in question gasped- “Garnet!”- and let the mirror fall from her hold. As she plummeted toward the ground, something inside Lapis hitched as she uttered the word “break, break, break” over and over again, both in the mirror and before the crowd. But to break the mirror or her gem? Either would have been ideal. Alas, she clattered into the water with a dull splash._

Lapis opened her eyes.

Static ran up her back, all searching, reaching, grasping at what to do with the information. For one, a pang of guilt struck the informant in the gut as Steven stared at the empty space in air where Pearl had just been projected.

“How do we know this proves that he is not Rose?” Peridot cleared her throat, shrinking under the scrutinizing glare of Jasper who felt betrayed she was humoring Lapis’ antics.

“Because he set me free, and Rose willingly kept me in that mirror. He had no idea I was even in there at first- that I’ve already shown you- haven’t I Peridot?”

Peridot swallowed thickly, becoming distant for only a moment as she recalled it, and reluctantly nodded.

“So please-” Lapis pivoted on her heel in Jasper’s direction, beseeching in her gait, “Please believe me. I’d play it all if I could, but we’d be here for five thousand years. I’m yours, but I protect him, he set me free. Surely you understand. Jasper. You of all people understand being loyal to someone.”

The quartz twitched, a nerve being struck, something stirring within her. She hated blue gems. They knew how to get their way. Everything about them so tragically wrong and beautiful.

“Fucking- fine. But put him back,” she pointed accusingly at the small boy, narrowing her eyes “Any flak I get from this- I’m pinning it on you, Lazuli. I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this.”

“Lapis’ tend to be very persuasive. It’s in their nature,” Peridot piped up.

And Jasper shut her down with “Oh, is that what they call being manipulative?”  
With a dismissive wave of her hand, she ordered Peridot to detain Steven once again, and Lapis invited herself along without permission, without waiting for Jasper to hold her up, or for them to be alone together in a room once again.

“Steven,” Lapis uttered, her voice only rising above faint buzzing of the overhead light fixtures. “Please try to go along with things. I know you like to fight for what is right, but this is much bigger than you. Than me even. Okay?”

He screwed his mouth to the side. “But I could set the others free! We could beat them- we could save you! And we could all go back and live on Earth!” He pointed past Lapis, to the green gem who struggled to remain indifferent. “Even her! She could come if she wanted to. It doesn’t have to be like this Lapis. On Earth, you can be anyone.”

And for the most fleeting of seconds, it sounded right. A sweet ache in her gut, a reeling jolt through her soul felt right with the idea of living on Earth. Somewhere, sometime, some other than this universe, beyond it even, to live on Earth felt right. Like Home. But it left as soon as it came.

They approached a door, one Peridot opened to reveal nothingness, an empty room with only 4 bare walls, not openable from the inside. The technician ushered him in, and though he put up no resistance, Lapis could only bring herself to look at the floor, for his stare was burning into her- betrayed.

“You know I don’t belong on Earth,” she mumbled.

“You don’t belong on Homeworld either.”

Peridot scrambled to close the door, thus ending the conversation.

It hit Lapis hard- piercing to the core she stopped in her tracks as a chill ran through her form. That stung more than it should have. But what if he was right? What if she was fighting for no reason?

Her existence was futile.

Leading her away, the two traveled in silence, for Lapis a numbing, humbling one. For Peridot, who was usually filled with the urge to speak her mind, had nothing to say- perhaps stunned? This would most certainly put a wrench in the grand scheme of things.  
Weighted footsteps, like lead, came to a halt as they arrived at Peridot’s quarters. But when she turned to bid the water gem farewell, she found thick lines of saline tears streaming down her face.

“Lapis-!” she breathed, immediately reaching to take her company by the shoulders and to tilt her chin up. “Why are you-?”

  
“What if he’s right? I’m not going to fit in on Homeworld anymore. What was I thinking? I’m such a fool- the one person who cared about me and I’ve gone and screwed things up. What am I doing?”

“Lazuli…”

“I wish I had been shattered.”

“Hey- no, absolutely not, do not say that,” Peridot scolded, gripping her tighter and giving a slight shake. Expression pulled into concern, Lapis’ contorted in her ugly crying, Peridot fumbled for words as the gem in front of her refused to meet her eyes. “I care about you.”

“You care about my worth as a tool.”

“That too- but you could be more than that, couldn’t you?”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I- uhh,” she gave a slight shrug in apology, tilting forward. “I don’t quite know. They don’t teach us Peridots to feel, to be eloquent like you. But all I know is something inside of me doesn’t like seeing you this way, so that has to count for something right?”

“Yeah. I guess so.”  
But her words didn't stick like they agreed. They fell from her lips, something swimming behind her features, then Lapis was overcome by another wave of sobs. Hunched over, quivering, she folded in on herself, leaning against Peridot for support and she wailed. Not a hero’s cry, but instead jarring and unhidden, she couldn't help herself.   
On impulse, the technician hurriedly pulled them into her room, out of the hall, for somewhere more private despite being on a mostly empty ship.   
A liminal space, Lapis cried and cried and cried, with no consequence, until she retracted her weight from Peridot’s stance, stepped dizzy, and slumped to the floor. Just as her nails began to dig into the skin of her forearms, Peridot jumped to stop her, unsure of what exactly she was witnessing but knowing it was less than ideal.

“Lazuli-” Peridot wrapped her digits around Lapis’ wrists and held them idle, trying to calm her- trying to remain calm herself though she knew it was beyond her. Lapis was the water, way over her head, and she was already drowning.

“Let go of me let go!”

Peridot merely shushed her, stoic features only overcome by worry every now and then. So when she didn't let go, Lapis sucked in a shaky breath, and let herself cry. Pathetic, sniveling, until it ebbed away. Then, Peridot let her metal fingers loosen, and thread between the blue gem’s own. A crude expression of holding hands. It would have to suffice.

“You don't get it,” Lapis finally spoke, cold.

“No maybe I don't. But that doesn't mean I’m not allowed to try.”

“You want to get me?”

“Yes. Teach me how to feel.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmk if there are typos i'm posting this at like 1 in the morning


	5. The Hanged Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hanged Man: all change is a small kind of death, as the old must die to create the new, and it may simply indicate upheaval or change in your future, perhaps beyond your control, but more likely a decision that, for good or ill, you will not be able to turn back from. The other interpretation is one of sacrifice, although whether this sacrifice is small or great may not be easily interpreted. Both interpretations imply permanence, and that you should give very careful thought to the decisions in your life.

With the help of one unsteady hand braced against the wall- her other hand loosely and crudely intertwined with Peridot’s- Lapis heaved herself up from the floor. It was a fragile moment, as fragile as the wings of an earth bird Lapis once had the pleasure of flying next to. Perched on branch, on edge, both gems waiting for an unexpected gust of wind to take off in panicked flight. But neither of them wanted to flee. Peridot reassured herself by gently squeezing Lapis’ hand, and pulling her closer. Though stiff, and robotic, those inches felt like miles.

  
Opening her mouth to speak, Lapis met the technician’s eyes, then caught her reflection in the surface of Peridot’s visor. Such a sight would normally shut her down, but instead, she let out a pathetic laugh.

  
“Stars, I look like a mess,” she snorted, turning her head away a bit to evade Peridot’s gaze as she wiped away tear stains with the heel of her free hand.

  
The corners of Peridot’s lips twitched into a smile.

  
“Maybe so,” she agreed. “Though I’d say right now that’s not really something to be concerned about. You’re not here to impress anyone. Not that you haven’t alr-”

  
Cut off as Lapis released her hold on Peridot’s fingers, she began to ask instead if she had said something offensive, as was very possible with her tendency to run her mouth. That question was pulled right from under her as the blue gem reached up and slipped the visor off her nose. Letting it sit in her fingers for a moment, Lapis set the accessory down fully then slid their fingers together once more.

  
“Impressive.”

  
Without missing a beat, one tugged the other, or both each other, to the shoddy cot residing off to the side.

Skin against metal, but more importantly, skin against skin as they fumbled to fit. They managed. No comparison of the stark contrast, gentle curves against hard edges, cramped and tangled limbs. Laying on their sides, an ‘unbearably small proximity’ as Peridot would put it, still it was the most comfortable they’d been in a while.

  
Lapis’ thumbs traced the indents where the visor had left ridges in Peridot’s skin, under her eyes and over her nose and up the sides of her face. In the same regard, Peridot fixed the strands of hair that had splayed out of place on Lapis’ head.

  
“Have you ever been this close to another gem?” Peridot asked, her voice calm though laced with a waver which was only expected.

  
“Not in a very long time.”

  
True, that question reminded her how cruel time was. Time. Time was a concept that seemed too hard to grasp now. So far, so fast, yet not at all, because it didn’t exist. How could five thousand years escape so quickly, and at the same time, still catch up to her in memories.

  
As the small of the two mulled it over, the creaking of some part of the ship sent Peridot spiraling out of her hazy stupor that held her there. There. In Lapis’ arms.

  
She made a move to sit up, the cool, calculated part, that had disappeared for only a moment, returning.   
“We shouldn’t be doing this.”

  
“Hey- why not?” Following, Lapis caught Peridot’s chin between her forefinger and thumb. “Nobody is going to know. I would never tell a soul.”

  
Peridot swallowed thickly.   
“Not a soul?”

  
“Not a single one.”

  
Nervously, her eyes flittered around the room, panning to the bare walls- anywhere but Lapis’ face.

  
“... I wonder what Jasper is doing right now.”

  
“Do you care?” Lapis tested. And Peridot realized.

  
“No.”

  
“Then don’t wonder.”

  
Still so unsure, so naive and not at all. The dance between a gem who had more than enough of living, and a gem who had just gotten a taste of what living truly meant. And she wanted more.  
  
“Have you ever thought something you weren’t suppose to think?” Peridot breathed.

  
“All the time.”

  
“Have you ever felt something you weren’t suppose to feel?” Peridot remained unable to look at the enigma in front of her.

  
“Quite often,” Lapis answered, letting go of the technician’s chin.

  
“Have you ever wanted something you weren’t suppose to want?” Peridot finally turned her gaze toward the other.

  
“Sometimes,” Lapis conceded, though stationary in their upright position, her gentleness swaying Peridot from the urge to run.

“Have you…” Peridot tried to take a breath, but registered that she was in over her head, and drowning. And she was perfectly okay with that. “Have you ever wanted _someone_ you weren’t suppose to want?”

 

“Never like this.”

  
And she meant it.

Pressing their lips together, Lapis pushed and Peridot gave, flushing as the wind was knocked out of her. A gesture so soft, yet grew bolder as the timid lapis lazuli grew a little more daring. She tipped her head, tangling her fingers in Peridot’s hair as the technician all too eagerly scrambled to help her into her lap.

With Peridot’s mock-hands on her hips, Lapis curled her toes as she filled with warmth at the sound of Peridot’s hushed whine.

  
Lip on lip, something hazy and inviting, Peridot tried to pull her closer, only for her hips to buck involuntarily as Lapis tugged on her lower lip with teeth and then tongue met tongue. Hot and heavy, the green gem knew she was already gone.

  
Breaking for a breath, utterly useless, the technician blinked through the dizzy rush in her temples.

“Is this feeling?” she asked in between pants, their noses touching.

  
“One of many. Do you want to stop?”

  
“Never.”

* * *

  
A solid, heavy pounding on the door tugged them both from their doting, a viscous, slurred curse under Peridot’s breath as Jasper growled at her to ‘open up Peridot, I know you're in there.’

  
Tumbling off the cot, Lapis attached at her hip, Peridot hesitantly engaged the lock, trying to tidy herself up as the door yawned open. She was past saving though, uniform straps displaced, hair disheveled, the deep plunging v-neck of her attire doing absolutely nothing to cover the marks blooming there. And Lapis, half-slung on her and hiding behind her stature, in a no better state.

  
Jasper gave them a once over and sneered.

“You've got to be fucking joking. While I’m busy filing reports, trying to get us out of the mess you both made, you're off doing _that,_ ” she spat, holding up her hand to silence the attempt of rebuttal  
_“we didn’t f-”_

  
“Whatever. I sent Agate a collective report of all the written logs associated with this mission, all of your audio logs, and both of Lazuli’s transcripts.” She narrowed her eyes.

“You'd better hope that's enough to convince them to leave Not-Rose out of this. And if you're lucky, what remains of her rebel army will have to suffice.”

  
The coy smile playing on Lapis’ face fell for just a second, and in place, a humbled, solemn stare.

“Thank you.”

  
“I don't want to hear that. You both owe me. Any flak I catch from this, you _better_ back me up.”

  
Peridot paled. “So what should we do n-”

  
“Just, that shit,” Jasper sighed, gesturing to Peridot’s chest and neck “better be gone before we get back to Homeworld. I'll alert you when we get a response.”

  
“Affirmative.”

  
Her hands morphed into a lousy salute, the gesture was mirrored back, and Jasper left them as quickly as she’d came with an eyeroll. Though neither watched her go, Peridot was left staring blankly at the wall in front of her. Without the film of her visor to shield it, the world seemed brighter and- louder? The colors screamed at her, particularly the harsh, orange and scarlet stripes that covered Jasper, where there were normally muddy.

What else had she been missing out on? What other landscapes, gems, what other things had been right under her nose yet she’d been blind to? If this was feeling, Peridot never wanted to stop. To soak up like a sponge everything she’d passed over- that was her new mission, of course, in secret. She couldn’t risk getting caught, or labeled as defective. That would sabotage her existence- how had Lapis put it?

 

_…_

 

 _"You want to learn to feel?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Yes," Peridot hissed, canting her hips in a fruitless effort for friction, seeing as she was effectively pinned down by the weight of the other gem._ _  
_ _  
_ _Cooing, Lapis took Peridot by the chin, clicking her tongue as something more sinister shot through the air._ _  
_ _"You're not suppose to feel. You're a peridot. You still want this?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _The gem in question nodded, at least she attempted to, forcing out a hum of agreement though wasn't anything coherent as under Lapis' gaze she found herself melting into the cot. And Lapis was unrelenting, her kind yet stern hands tipping her head back to trail kisses up from the lowest point of her neckline until their noses touched. Peridot quivered, no longer having the will to recollect how they ended up there._ _  
_ _  
_ _"The thing about feeling is that you have to do it in secret. No getting caught," Lapis purred, sliding her forefinger down Peridot's collarbone. "Still following orders, holding yourself together. Think you can do that?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Another nod, all too eager and all too willing- Peridot wouldn't see it then but would later come to realize that Lapis' motive had remained honest. She wanted Peridot to feel, and to understand, but she didn't want that to compromise Peridot's performance and put her at risk. Still, they'd play along like this, the technician had faith in herself. She'd been taking orders and doing this her whole life. Surely it couldn't be that hard._ _  
_   
"Good. No talking, no sounds, keep a straight face, and do as I say."

 

_…_

  
But of course, Jasper had interrupted them before things could progress further. As her mind began to wander to what the implications might have meant, she was roused by two hands slipping around her torso from behind and settling on her hips.

  
“I’m surprised. Normally you have lots to say. Deep in thought?” Lapis lifted herself up onto her toes and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of Peridot’s neck

  
“I can assure you I’m very deep in thought.”

  
“My bad,” Lapis said. Though the way she spoke it struck the technician like a chord, sending shivers down her back and thinking _yes, most definitely your bad._ “I’ll leave you to it then.”

  
“What?”

  
But the blue gem had already let go, stepping past the frame of the door, and Peridot reached out to seize her by the wrist.   
“But what about-”

  
“Feelings? In moderation. And, we wouldn’t want to cause a scandal with you looking the way you do when we get back to Homeworld, right?”  
  
“No, I suppose not.”

Caving, Lapis brought herself closer once more, her lithe hands touching each part in respective order of her parting words, punctuated with a sweet kiss.

  
“Chin up, shoulders back, eyes forward. _Keep a straight face, and do as they say.”_

 

And she was gone.

 

* * *

  
Left to her own devices, Peridot retreated. In her room, she paced, gnawing unforgiving marks onto her metallic fingers, and throwing a fit when they struggled to display the information she requested afterward. The incessant habit cost her an extra two hours worth of repair, something she could have done in under one if not for her mind, and it’s inability to settle on one thought.

No, her thoughts had never raced like this, not when scouring through archives of data, processing a month’s mission within minutes- was this feeling too?

  
She wasn’t so sure of it now. But a brief thought flickering in her mind of blue, blue, lots of _blue_ made her sure again.

  
Looking past her screen, Peridot’s eyes focused on her desk, and the visor laying atop its surface. It brought the racing thoughts again though, even as she grumbled, snagging the thing stubbornly to put back on her face, a flush overtook her cheeks.

  
“Stupid Lazuli…”

  
An echoing knock caused her to yelp, her screen dissipating.

  
“Peridot. Open the door, unless you’re too busy _fucking,_ because I don’t want to see that.”

  
“You don’t have to be so _blunt_ ,” Peridot hissed, once again back to her high-pitched, nasally whine. She opened the door with a scowl. “What?”

  
“Look,” Jasper deadpanned “I get you’re frazzled, but you need to get your fucking head on straight. This is a serious mission. Lazuli can wait. She has for thousands of years, and you have for your entire life. This _isn’t_ the time to lose your cool.”

  
“Excuse me-”

  
“We dock on Homeworld in three days. You better get your act together. Yellow Diamond wants to see that… _thing._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! im back!! wow!!  
> so i gotta know if yall actually want lapis and peridot to do the nasty lmk  
> all feedback is appreciated !!

**Author's Note:**

> pls let me know if you liked this, if i should continue etc etc ! it means a lot, plus i wouldnt want to write 5k+ words only to have people not want to read it, u feel?


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